Tuesday, 27 October 2020

My experience as a "Computer Analyst Programmer": hard labor for the brain

Note:found this as a draft: Only published it 25/11/2024 but the published on date is correct. Its' probably incomplete 


More jobs mostly for the boys?

We'll never know unless these companies give actual intersectional statistics in their Annual Reports
Havent seen too many jobs advertised for autistic women's traditional specialties... all forms of writing, quiet achievement, acute outsider observation of group dynamics.

i speak as someone who, it is true, penetrated the IT world, because I'm "brainy" but actually hated it to the point where I was mired in depression for over 20 years, in a succession of jobs that were both infinitely boring and required immense concentration. I often wondered if I wouldnt be better off in production line of Queensland"s Golden Circle Pineapply Factory, the traditional hell that wannabe Uni DropOuts like me were threatened with ending up in. True I'd be on my feet all day with red raw hands, unable to talk to anyone, and up to the ankles in acid pineapple juice, but at least my mind could be free. Writing Cobol programs was actually a production line for the brain. 

In my early day in IT, so early that I wrote programs on punched cards, i remember a major insurance company, whose entire renewals program was written in a couple of weeks at the most, a long messy snakelike thing that curled in on itself, hideous to maintain, and, total hell for me as the poor sod that had to maintain it.

Then came modularization, ... production line stuff ...security modules, I/O modules, snapped together like Lego blocks, yet months long projects to implement. Full of Classical male aspies (undiagnosed, of course, in those days, but the sources of much gossip, mockery, at best, kindly speculation about what childhood trauma caused their odd behaviour). Anecdotally, in pretty much the same proportion as AS in the general population. Aspie women, I dont remember, but it was one of the first professions, apart from Medicine and Dentistry in which women had an opportunity to earn good money beyond office work. Although we could be teachers and nurses etc of course. But good money? Some things still havent changed. Most of the women were NT, very bright, and generally team leaders, systems analysts, and socially adept, initially Anglo, then increasingly Asian as we became a more multicultural society. I was a fish out of water. My interests were socio-political, I was left-wing in world of mostly liberal voters who drove me crazy with their complacent WASPIsh attitudes. I was, however, popular at work. I have AS obsessive traits from my mother, easygoing NT and ADHD "lad" traits from my father. I knew how to shoot the breezewith the men with my "masculine" brain.

Meanwhile, my nights were hell. at night, insomnia, in anguish, terrified that I could not survive another day in an atmosphere devoid of stimulation, pretending to look busy hour after hour, when there was nothing to do, going to long lunches with a bunch of unconscious people who didnt even know they were so alienated at work that the whole industry was fuelled by alcohol(ism). While i endured, sober... well semi-sober...And yet, without any family support, financial or emotional, a total inability to "Sell myself", i was terrified of ending up on the streets, if I didnt. How i did survive is another story.
So, my mind wonders... i havent written a lot about myself, bu

Thursday, 22 October 2020

Volunteering on Boards: Empowerment or exploitation?

Note:found this as a draft: Only published it 25/11/2024 but the published on date is correct. It is  probably incomplete 

It's always an honour to be asked by an organization to become a Board member or Advisory Panel member to be "a voice" with "lived experience". And it is indeed empowering to meet with powerful people and get an insight into how decisions are made "at the top". But after a while you begin to wonder.

I volunteered on Boards for decades. It began when I became the sole parent of an autistic child. Most carers find it impossible to retain their careers so many turn to volunteering in order to remain useful members of society. Initially I found volunteering to be stimulating and empowering until I began to wonder if I was allowing myself to be taken for granted and exploited. 

Bottom line, I now find myself to be an age pensioner who cannot even afford my medical bills. 

They like to say "Time is Money" in business. But it's your time, their money. 

Now that's a wake-up call.

Don't end up like me at retirement! 

A boiling frog
Think of the metaphor of  "The Boiling Frog". They say if you put a frog in water and up the temperature very very gradually, it doesn't notice before its too late. Result: one dead boiled frog.

So don't be mad at me because I am now scrambling to commodify myself before its too late.

It would be great if you shared your experiences in the comments, either in your own name, or anonymously if you are worried about exposure

And then let's see where it goes. 


Boiling Frog Image Attribution
https://www.flickr.com/photos/
65694152@N08/5983908269/