- Remember that the other person is not a mind reader – if you aren’t sure what the other means, ask politely. If there is a misunderstanding, don’t apportion blame, just work it out between yourselves.
- If the other person appears irritable, take a moment to recognise that it may not be about you.
- Take a moment before responding – this is IMPORTANT!
- Remember, we are not multi-taskers!!! One instruction at a time, otherwise it is confusing and stressful.
- If someone is engaged in a task, realise they may need time to finish that task before moving on to the next thing.
- Words/phrases to avoid: “Well – “(said defensively).
- THINK before acting
- No SUDDEN moves
- No snatching!!!
- Knock before entering a room
- Put aside whatever you’re doing in that moment and give your full attention to the other person if they want it.
- Modulate tone of voice and facial expressions when conscious of it, but DON’T suppress feelings. We know that VENTING is important, and we can work it out. After every storm, there is a rainbow.
- If grievances arise, take a breath and air it calmly. Do NOT bottle it up. If you hold it in, it will only EXPLODE later.
- Respect the other’s need for space. If they say they need some down time, then respect their wishes. They will find you again when they are ready.
- Remember to use the magic word when requesting that something be done.
Tuesday, 24 March 2020
Covid Days: Minimizing friction in close quarters
Wednesday, 18 March 2020
Warpies and Wefties of the World, Unite!
Warpies and Wefties
Yes, it is one of those absurd, over-generalised binaries. But bear with me, because you will find that these are binary opposites that unite us rather than divide us. Thus I submit that they are a great metaphor for building harmony between different Neurotribes whilst avoiding medicalised jargon.
The Art of Weaving
(as Social Metaphor)
Weaving is arguably humanity's oldest technology, one that combines Art and Usefulness.
And one generally associated with the Feminine, which doubly appeals to me.
And thus Weaving might just be both an adaptable and enduring, metaphor for creating harmony in these fractured times
But before I extend the metaphor to humans, a brief ...
Weaving Basics
for novices
WARP
|
WEFT
|
WOVEN
|
Now take the quiz!
Are you a Warpie or a Weftie?
How to score:
- Rate each item 1 to 5 from "Not at all like me” to "Totally me"
- Subtract the Warpie total from the Weftie total
- Warpies will of course have a negative value but only for linguistic reasons - i.e. warp usually precedes weft in English usage. No negative aspersions intended. On the contrary, the point is to show we need each other.
WARPIES |
WEFTIES |
|
THEIR GIFT |
Provide the backbone of society: Create, maintain and perpetuate social structures |
Provide adaptability for society: Weave through established social structures, experimenting, creating change |
PRIDE |
Pride themselves on being orderly, predictable, responsible, reliable, prudent |
Pride themselves on being change agents, brainstormers, creatives, subverting ossified cultural mores |
CAREER STRUCTURE |
Vertical: prioritize staying in stable employment and rising through the ranks. Will build up an upwardly mobile CV as they progress |
Horizontal: In traditional jobs, may move in and out of work, with a patchy CV: From billionaire innovators, to social security recipients |
VALUES |
Security, stability, promotion. May be willing to sacrifice intellectual and moral freedom for career |
Flexibility, autonomy. Unwilling to compromise intellectual and moral freedom for career |
ACCUMULATION |
Accumulate money due to stable employment, prudence, build up retirement funds |
Boom and bust, may end up millionaires or penniless at retirement, and even homeless: |
RELATIONSHIPS |
Tend to stable upwardly mobile relationships and marriages |
Relationships tend to be less stable, often de facto |
OPINIONS OF EACH OTHER |
Consider Wefties to be erratic, untidy, unpredictable, unreliable, self-indulgent, lazy |
Consider Warpies to be authoritarian, controlling, boring, dictatorial |
DREAMS |
Dream of throwing it all away and becoming beach bums and artists. Rarely do it till retirement, when they splurge on travel |
Dream of getting through just one structured day perfecty:rising early, getting chores done, having regular mealtimes, sleeping by midnight. Rarely achieve it |
BIGGEST REGRET |
Not spending more time with family, being creative |
Not building a career, not paying attention to accumulation |
ENVY |
Weftie freedom and creativity |
Warpie wealth and status |
COGNITIVE PROFILE |
Cognitive profile fairly level across strengths and weaknesses |
Cognitive profile "spiky" across strengths and weaknesses |
SLEEP PATTERNS |
Morning people: regular sleep patterns |
Night owls:irregular sleep patterns, insomnia |
Why is this a good metaphor for society?
Warp and Weft, separated, are weak and uselessWarp and Weft, intersecting, are strong, and have infinite potential
Their strength as a metaphor is that unlike the ND/NT divide, they do not oppose each other nor diverge in a different direction, perhaps never to meet again. They separate off, but only to meet again in a constructive fashion.
We need each other!
Disclaimer
This is not intended to replace the Neurotypical/Neurodivergent binary which is a necessary advocacy tool. I intend it as an affectionate, plain English form of self-identification for the people it suits.
The description will obviously fit many who have been the object of prejudice in work and education. It is obviously not a "disability label" though there maybe obvious overlaps with neurodivergent conditions
Monday, 16 March 2020
Through a glass screen, darkly. Coronavirus thoughts
With all our human ingenuity and creativity, we have accelerated to excess, as we in the advanced capitalist world have failed to exercise enough self-discipline and self-reflection, thinking there was always going to be more, more more.
We now have the time to reflect on how we came to be at this junction. Here we find ourselves, isolated cells sitting alone in a network of cables, seeing the world and our friends literally “through a glass, darkly”.
Perhaps this pause will cause us to think creatively about ways forward, although IMO we need less "creativity" and more "receptivity".
In my sociology days, as I became disillusioned by the simplistic binary division then in vogue, between the "social" and "medical" models, I came to envisage “Culture” as a rubber band attached to “Nature”.
With all our ingenuity, we can only pull away so far before the band snaps us back.
Or breaks.
We now wait and see who will bend and who will be broken.
Crisis, opportunity. The world turns. I wish I could pray to a Parent Figure in the sky to fix it for us, myself, my near and dear, and my ever-widening circles, but its now time to wish everyone well, watch and wait, and hope we all weather this somehow and get some wisdom in the process
Crisis, opportunity.
Friday, 6 March 2020
That troublesome adjective "Neurodiverse"
We humans are NOT Neurodiverse
Just no! |
The importance of language
It seems there are two kinds of people in this world
- Those who believe that language matters and it's important to get it right
- Those who believe "Never mind the language, let's just get on with the job"
How it ends lies with all of you.
My linguistic point
You cannot Say "Lee Bloggs is a person, while Kim Bloggs is a neurodiverse person" (note my careful use of ungendered names) any more that you would say "Skippy the Kangaroo is a marsupial, but Wally the Wombat is biodiverse"
So, maybe the concept is lost to all but linguistic nerds, but
Nevertheless, I register a protest
Neurodiverse should not be a synonym for “neurologically disabled". We are all neurodiverse, because:- It's linguistically illogical. We are ALL Neurodiverse inhabitants of the planet, because no two minds on this planet can ever be exactly alike.
. - More importantly, if Neurodiverse becomes a synonym for Disabled instead of remaining a symbol for the incredible wonder of natural variation, it will rapidly acquire stigma, be devalued, and we would lose its power as a unifying symbol for all
Appendix: The sad case of the word "Deviant"
One of the fathers of sociology, Émile Durkheim viewed deviance as an inevitable part of how society functions. He argued that deviance is a basis for change and innovation!So now so many people think "deviant" means "sexually perverted" that the much better word Neurodeviant has to be avoided, and we must use "Neurodivergent"...
Deviant and Divergent defined
Deviant actually means "a significant standard deviation from the average". That is what the new term "Spiky Neurological Profile" actually means. A "Neurotypical person" has very little standard deviation from the average on a range of cognitive abilities, while "a NeuroSpiky" person with AS ADHD the Dyses etc, has a range of deviations.Imagine Kim and Lee walking down the “one true”, socially sanctioned normal conventional path, and Kim deviate from the norm and forges a new path.
Now imagine Kim and Lee walking together on a path, any path, when they come to a cross-roads, split and go their separate paths, perhaps never to meet again.
Is that what we want?
If the Gay movement could reclaim the word Queer as their badge of pride, why not NeuroDeviant?
What do you think?
Probably reclaiming "deviant" is a step too far, too late, I admit, but it's all part of my contribution to the Dialectic of Neurodiversity:
Disclaimer
I don't say there's no such thing as "Disability". But you have to ask yourself what you mean by Disability before you criticise others. Their understanding may be quite different.Do you mean the Welfare System's definition used to save money by dividing the "worthy poor" from the "unworthy poor"? The United Nations definition? Your personal experience of pride, or suffering, or discrimination? And more
-
... or ... It's the name of a social justice movement, not a diagnosis You may have heard critics of the Neurodiversity paradigm dismis...
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You may have come across a memoir by Dutch computer programmer, Martijn Dekker, who founded an online support group called "InLv"...
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The word Neurodivergent begs the question, "Divergent from what, exactly?". Neurodivergent 1 describes the significant perc...