I’ve had enough, I just can’t take it anymore,
I. AM. NOT. DOING. IT. ANY. MORE!
Life is too short!
One of my autistic traits is that I am ALWAYS sincere. (Well, almost always, unless I have been taught to fake it for the sake of self-preservation in a dog-eat-dog world business world, where duplicity is the norm, and actual sincerity is viewed with suspicion).
In this world, I understand the Regards Hierarchy thus:
- Kind regards
Opening gambit: we haven’t met yet, so let’s be civilized, and let me assure you that I don’t intend to rip you off, while keeping you at a polite distance - Warm regards
The next round: We still haven't met, but let’s pretend we are practically bosom buddies - Just plain unqualified Regards
Uh-oh! - [Regards omitted]
We have engaged the services of a Debt Collection Agency
I CAN’T DO THIS! I do not know you! It is literally painful
for me to protest emotions that I do not, cannot, have. All I want is a job/a
gig/a refund/more time to pay! Why else would I be writing? I don’t know which
adjective to use! This is taking me forever! Can we please just get on with it?
Although, I must admit, when someone sends me their “Highest
Regards”, I’m like “Wow, reeeeeeeeeeaally? Well OK, if you insist!”.
To avoid drowning in this quagmire, I have composed the following sign off:
Disclaimer: the absence of “Regards” and other
salutations and protestations of sincerity in this letter do not signal hostility
or unfriendliness on my part.They are merely a recognition that this is a
business transaction between people who do not know each other. Sincerity is
assumed, unless the matter needs to be taken to the courts.
Related Issue: Kisses
How many x’es in a sign off between friends?
I usually sign letters to female friends as “Jxx”, which
seems to me to be just right.
One “x“ would seem too perfunctory, too cold, almost a
matter of form, while xxx seems unnecesarily
effusive. After all, we should know each other well enough by now to know that
of course we have a warm friendship, while not denying that nobody is perfect,
and frankly, sometimes we do piss each other off.
This works for me, until someone ruins it and escalates with
an extra “x”.
What to do? Should I respond in kind, or will this signal
the beginning of an arms race of x’es?
And what if someone then trumps everything with a capital
X????
Armageddon!
And let’s not even talk about the delicate situation with male friends. So many worrying factors to consider. If I use an “x”, will they feel their manhood threatened? Will they worry that I consider them effeminate? What will their wives think? Will they think I’m offering them a sexual liason?
Best
not to even go there.
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Yes, folks, my mind really does work this way. I’m serious!
